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The Daltaí Boards » Archive: 2005- » 2006 (November-December) » Archive through November 23, 2006 » Translation from Ciaran Carson « Previous Next »

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Daibhi
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Username: Daibhi

Post Number: 10
Registered: 06-2005
Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 04:53 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

Ciaran Carson's first language opens (significantly) with a pome in Irish. I am trying to translate it, but I have a few doubts...

La Je-Ne-Sais-Quoi

I bhfaitead na súl
I ndorchadas an ale
Bhruigh do bhéal go tobann
Ar mo bhealsa
Agus slogadh mé go glan
I gclapsholas dimhain do póige.

I bhfriotal na mbéal
i bhfirotal na súl
Fáscadh agus teannadh
Go dtí nach raibh ann
Asch scath an scátháin eadreainn,
Tocht i do chluais istigh.

Mé i mo thost anois,
Dlaoithe chasta do chainte
Ina luí gl dlúth ar urlár snasta,
Mé á scubadh, mé á scaipeadh
Go béal an dorais,
Séidéan beag amuigh.

Here is what I got...

In the twinkling of an eye
in the drakness of the day
unexpectedly your mouth presed
on my own mouth
and I swallowed cleanly
in the twilight the depth of your kiss.

In the twinkling of a mouth
in the utterance of an eye
pressed and squeezed [not really sure about the verb tense here]
until there is nothing
but the shadow of a mirror between us
______ [no clue about this line; I only gget 'your ears']

I am silent now
The intricate wisp of your speech
lying close to the polished floor [is it close or closely?]
that I have swept, I have scattered [not sure about this verse either]
till the doorway
a little gust (of wind) outside

Now, as you see a line is missing, and I am not sure about the rest.
Can anyone help?
Cheers,
Davide

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Aonghus
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Username: Aonghus

Post Number: 4139
Registered: 08-2004


Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 06:02 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

and I was swallowed cleanly
into the twilight of the depth of your kiss.


friotal [ainmfhocal firinscneach den chéad díochlaonadh]
focail, caint, abairt.


tocht [ainmfhocal firinscneach den tríú díochlaonadh]
bac (in oibreacha an choirp); bac mothúcháin, breith suas (bhí tocht ar a chroí, ina ghlór).

Mé á scuabadh Me sweeping them

Bain triail eile as!

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Daibhi
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Username: Daibhi

Post Number: 11
Registered: 06-2005
Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 07:39 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

Sorry to post my questions in English, but my Irish is not good enough to speak about grammar.
So 'slogadh' is passive; is it a past participle (and how do you call the form in Irish?)

I noticed I made a mistake in transcription, the second stanza actually is

I bhfaiteadh na mbéal
I bhfriotal na súl
Fáscadh agus teannadh
Go dtí nach raibh ann
Ach scath an scátháin eadreainn,
Tocht i do chluais istigh.

So 'i bhfiotal an súl' could be 'in the word/speech of an eye';
'Tocht i do chluais' might be 'an obstacle in your ear... out' ? Something wrong here

Another typo in the 3rd stanza:

Mé i mo thost anois,
Dlaoithe chasta do chainte
Ina luí go dlúth ar urlár snasta,
Mé á scubadh, mé á scaipeadh
Go béal an dorais,
Séidéan beag amuigh.

If 'mé á scubadh' is 'me sweeping them', what is 'them' referred to? To dlaoithe? So the poet is figuratively sweeping the intrictae wisp of his partner's language out of the door?
Thanks a lot for the answer; this is also an opportunity to learn some Irish grammar.
Davide

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Aonghus
Member
Username: Aonghus

Post Number: 4144
Registered: 08-2004


Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 07:46 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

Agus slogadh mé go glan

Yes.

CAITE
shlog mé
shlog tú
shlog sé
shlog sí
shlogamar
shlog sibh
shlog siad
Sb.
slogadh

About Tocht, I'm not sure. It also means a quilt (bed covering)

Are you sure the word is tocht?

Be aware also that poetry can break the rules of grammar if required.

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Daibhi
Member
Username: Daibhi

Post Number: 12
Registered: 06-2005
Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 09:27 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

Yes, it is tocht. Maybe it is figurative; ' a hindrance on your hear, inside', that contrasts with 'gust of wind outside.
Then, of course, you're right, it is poetry, it's not easy to find a univocal meaning.
Go raibh míle maith agat,
Davide

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Aonghus
Member
Username: Aonghus

Post Number: 4145
Registered: 08-2004


Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 10:21 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

Tocht can mean an emotional block, like a lump in your throat from sadness/happiness. I think that is what is implied.

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Daibhi
Member
Username: Daibhi

Post Number: 13
Registered: 06-2005
Posted on Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 11:27 am:   Small TextLarge TextEdit Post Print Post

Ah, ok, very good!
I emailed an Irish friend; he's just finished a PhD in Irish Poetry; here is how he glossed 'Tocht i do chluais istigh.':

emotion in your inner ear [I'm unsure here this is as close as I can come to a translation but hopefully you get the sense of it].

So you're probably right: the ear is 'blocked' by an emotion; I guess this is the idea, the sense cannot be translated fully in English.
Well, sorted out it is :-)
Thanks again for your help,
Davide



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