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The Daltaí Boards » Archive: 1999-2004 » 2000 (July-December) » Gaeilgeoirí File Suit in Florida Court « Previous Next »

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ANBHUAIN: The Gaelic Conceptual Art Collective (spider-ta056.proxy.aol.com - 152.163.205.33)
Posted on Saturday, December 02, 2000 - 03:58 pm:   Edit Post Print Post

Tallahassee, FL, 2 Dec., 2000, This morning, ANBHUAIN President, Diarmuid Saunders held an impromtu press conference on the steps of the State Supreme Court Building. Mr. Saunders announced that his organisation had joined forces with the indigenous people of Florida in filing a motion with the Florida Supreme Court seeking to nullify the entire Presidential election in Florida. The motion, "ANBHUAIN: The Gaelic Conceptual Art Collective & The Seminole Nation v. Gach Duine Eile", contends that Florida's ballots were "absolutely bollixed" because they were neither written "as Gaeilge" nor in the Seminole language. "Saint Breandáin was here first from Europe", stated Mr. Saunders, "and he and his Irish-speaking monks got on perfectly well with the indigenous people thoughout North America." Mr. Saunders maintained that St Breandáin had in fact been to what is now every State in the Union and cited bluegrass music and clog dancing as evidence.

ANBHUAIN: The Gaelic Conceptual Art Collective is a radical militant Irish language anarchist organisation which combines the aims and goals of Ireland's Conradh na Gaeilge with the fierce street actions of New York's Lesbian Avengers.

Mr. Saunders' own district of Tampa has seen some interesting election developments as the local canvassing board has reported that several ballot boxes had been stuffed with several thousand votes for Sinn Féin. Florida State authorities are seeking to question ANBHUAIN Vice-President Maurice Saunders, who appears to be in hiding since Election Tuesday. Sinn Féin candidates for U.S. President and Vice-President, Elsie Saunders and her daughter-in-law Eithne, were completely surprised and shocked to learn of their own candidacy. When interviewed by a CNN reporter, Elsie Saunders exclaimed, "O, Jaysus!". Eithne's reply was "Seafóid!"

Little Maurice Saunders has recently filed a petition with the County Civil Court to have his name changed.

When told by a reporter that no other State in the Union had ballots written "as Gaeilge", Diarmuid Saunders answered, "You're WRONG! On Election Day, Daithí Mac Lochlainn in Nua-Eabhrac went to the polls first thing in the morning with a black felt-tip pen and a monkey-wrench. So, we are aware of at least one voting machine in the Northeast that offered Gaeilgeoirí the option to vote in the language that preceded the Saxon idiom to these shores!"

Daithí Mac Lochlainn is ANBHUAIN's Ard-Rúnaí (Gereral Secretary).

One voting machine in Queens, New York did display voting options for "Uachtarán", "Leas-Uachtarán" and "Seanadóir". This same machine also carried a ticket for "Páirtí Cumannach an Taoibh Coillte". The Queens County Board of Elections noted an usually high number of votes for the late Máirtín Ó Cadhain in Woodside's 91st Election District.

The NYS Election Board will open an investigation of Mr. Mac Lochlainn's actions involving several petitions for the Socialist Party which were rejected for the statewide ballot. It seems that the addresses on the petitions were in fact sheep farms in upstate New York. The petitions were nullified as livestock do not qualify for U.S. citizenship. Mr. Mac Lochlainn acknowledge that he did carry a petition on several excursions to the rural districts of New York State. When asked whether he knew that he signed on as a witness to the signatures of sheep, Mac Lochlainn replied, "How the hell was I to know?!?! I was three sheets to the wind those nights and they were lookin' mighty good at the time!"

When asked whether he looked forward to New York City's next Mayoral race, Mac Lochlainn responded by salivating profusely.



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